1:Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.
16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever. We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
“GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”
“BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next!”
29: A man should never watch a tv show like laguna beach or the hills but if he happens to watch it one time, he shall never tell his friends
30: A man doesn’t buy “china cabinets” or have any opinion on them
We hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.
President Obama needs to get off of the golf course, and get to work dealing with ISIS and the other foreign policy problems that need to be dealt with.
I wear RED every Friday to show people I know that FOR OUR FREEDOM THEIR BLOOD RUNS RED!
Going on eight years now, every Friday. God Bless Our Troops!
Send carepacs to Our Troops in Afghanistan, they NEED US more than ever!!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He got warrants
Spirit Airlines provides a comprehensive breakdown of pricing costs for a round trip flight from San Diego to Cabo San Lucas:
Flight Price: $215.98
Base Fare: $174.82
- Flight: $126.84
- Unintended Consequences of DOT Regulations: $4.00
- Passenger Usage Fee: $33.98
- Exchange Fee: $10.00
Government’s Cut: $129.52
- US-International Departure Tax $35.00
- MX-Tourism Tax: $23.58
- Security Fee: $5.60
- Passenger Facility Fee: $4.50
- MX -TUA: $43.34
- US APHIS Fee: $5.00
- US Immigration Fee: $7.00
- US Customs Fee: $5.50
Grand Total: $345.50
So around 40% of this ticket cost was incurred due to the bandits.
I never thought I would see the day where an American President is perceived as so weak, the whole world laughs…
Obama goes Fore-ward!!
Fake American = Fake President
20 Aug 14
By John Farnam
"No one remembers who came in second."
On 19 Mar 1988 in West Belfast, Northern Ireland, two young British Army corporals inadvertently drove in the vicinity of the elaborate funeral procession for Kevin Bradey, considered a hero by the IRA.
The two corporals were in civilian clothing, and their car was unmarked.Both were armed with ageing Browning Hi-Power Pistols with standard,hardball ammunition. Pistols were issued for “personal protection,” because of the dangerous nature of Northern Ireland at the time, but neither soldier(nor anyone else in the British Army) had ever received any species of competent training in their serious use. Of course, neither pistol was carried
with a round chambered.
The UK, then and now, has no gun-culture, so no one there knows anything about carrying and using guns for serious purposes!
The two junior NCOs, realizing their mistake, tried to get turned-around, but they never made it!
An angry crowd quickly surrounded their now-stationary vehicle. Both soldiers were dragged out of their car, beaten half to death, and then shot multiple times through the back of the neck by IRA operatives, who, by the way, do know something about carrying serious pistols and do carry them in the correct state of readiness!
During the incident, one of the corporals managed to get a round chambered, and fired a single shot, not at his attackers, but in the air, as a “warning,” just as he had been foolishly instructed. Both NCOs had been sternly warned by their cynical superiors that if they ever used their pistols for any purpose other than starting horse races, they would be drummed out of the Corps!
As a result, neither made any effective use of weapons they had readily at hand, pistols, nor the car itself.
In Parliament two days later, Northern Ireland’s Secretary of State
publically condemned the killings, and added this gem:
"… although they both had loaded personal-protection pistols, they showed incredible restraint in using them only to fire a warning shot in the air."
Yes, so much “restraint” that they allowed themselves to be murdered while scarcely even inconveniencing their murderers. So, now we lavishly praise people for these demonstrably incompetent, inadequate, and ineffective responses to criminal violence. No wonder Western Civilization is crumbling. We’re congratulating people for being losers!
The problem is, of course, the British Government’s hysterical hatred of self-defense and its paranoid fear of guns. This irrational fearfulness makes itself felt, even the Army!
The two murdered corporals were not MI5, nor SAS. They were just two junior NCOs who drove by the wrong place at the wrong time.
When exposed to violent, criminal attack, the only “warning shot” that
should be fired by any one of us should go straight through the ventricles of our attacker’s black heart, as a subtle indicator that more are about to follow in rapid sequence until he/they find something else to do!
"Warning shots" are a sign of lack of commitment to one’s personal
survival. They will invariably be interpreted as such!
—- John Farnam
"You never know how much is enough unless you know how much is more than
-Gen. Dwight Eisenhower, Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces upon visiting newly liberated Nazi death camps. April, 1945 (via jewishpolitics)
And some people say it never happened anyway.